GET OUT TANK.

DOGS NEED TO KNOW THEIR PLACE AMONGST US HUMANS. We think Tank learned his lesson...

Left to our Own Devices.

This is what happens when Mel and I get together in an empty house on a Thursday night. Cue laughter.

Cheeseburgers.

Ben's Favorite Music Videos of 2009.

2009 went by crazy fast. Like super duper, holy crap, OMFG fast. And I'll tell you one thing about myself....I love lists. Reading them, making them, just love 'em. So here's my favorite music videos of this year in no particular order (cuz that'd be way too hard.)

3 by Britney Spears: What's a year-end list by Ben Douglas without The Legendary Miss Britney Spears, y'all?!! Her love letter to menage-a-trois was already a hot song and then she went and made a video that brought back the Brit we know and love. A stark, simple video that starts out slow and ends up in a frenzied, she's-touching-who?! wonderment of a video. Makes me wish I could rock a deep V-neck white leotard....but lucky for y'all, I can't.

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga: This was truly the year of Gaga and her videos get better and better. Look. I'ma put it out there. Bitch is twisted. But that's what makes her amazing! She manages to make what's disgusting...beautiful. The choreography is sick and the beauty shots show a softer, prettier Gaga than we're used to. Easily one of my favorite music videos of all time.......sorry Beyonce.

Hush Hush; Hush Hush by The Pussycat Dolls: I mean....I'm a huge PCD fan. HUGE. And seriously, this is my favorite video of theirs. It's just so....Pussycat Dolls. It's camp, flashy, hot, and everything this gay boy loves all wrapped up in a tanned, toned package. I dare you to not smile or shake that ass when watching this video.

Happy by Leona Lewis: This video is just stunning. I love the setting, and Leona Lewis is gorgeous! It's not often that a video hits me on an emotional level like this one does. By the end of the video, my heart just aches for her. And talk about a video that ACTUALLY matches the song it's supposed to visually represent! I praise you Leona!

My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson: Oh thank God Kelly is smiling again! The dark ages (My December) have ended and Kelly is back to her 'Since U Been Gone' ways, and I truly can't thank her enough. Kelly is charming and playful in this clip that accompanied arguably one of the biggest singles of the year. Keep it positive, Kels....you don't wear depression well.

For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert: Holy homosexual, Batman! This video is what the AMAs performance should have been. It's dark, hard, and oh-so-sexy! Adam brings the heat with a chorus of writhing dancers eager for just a touch of the American Idol star. Adam oozes hotness and confidence and power and sexuality and I need a cold shower.

Don't Do It 2010.

Recap that MESS.

Spotlight: Agnes Carlsson.

Obsession ALERT! Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the winner of Swedish Idol in 2005, Agnes Carlsson. You can think of her as Leona Lewis on crack. She's just released her debut US single "Release Me," and it's swooping melody should hook you right away. But don't think of this chick as another throwaway "dance diva"....girl's got some serious vocals. Here are a couple of her videos to start the introduction. Looks like Sweden is further proving it has pop music in a major headlock.

Dang. Anything Else?!

This sketch will go down in history. Don't get loud wit me sur. Do not. get loud. wit me.

Video Fail.

Out with the Old, In with the A(meh)zing.

The time is now, people. The smut has returned. Welcome back, The Hills and The City.

The Hills underwent a massive overhaul this season with the exit of anchor Lauren Conrad, and entrance of bitch premier Kristin Cavallari. Look, lemme just say, I'm a huuuuge LC fan, but on Laguna Beach, I was totally Team Kristin. What can I say? I love a girl who speaks her mind and gets what she wants.

Kristin is back to her old ways of stirring the pot and sharpening the claws. All good fun. Then there's Blank-face Audrina. Really, girl? You're all up in arms about JUSTIN BOBBY?! The guy's a doucherocket. Lucky for us, I hear that Audrina is leaving the show super soon. Bad news, she may be getting her own spin-off. Uhwhat. First episode: "How to Master an Emotionless Stare." Yikes. Anyway, it's weird not having Lauren on the show, but I think Kristin is interesting...as long as she doesn't get wrapped up in Justin. Vom. And speaking of vom, someone please tell Stephanie Pratt to get a day job.

Now, to The City. I actually really liked the first episode and the new additions. Plus, I'm glad that cottonmouth of a boyfriend Whitney had is out of the picture. I'm loving the drama between Olivia and her colleague at Elle Magazine, Erin. Juicy! Now. Let's talk about Whit's new roommate Roxy. Whoaaaaa. What a freakin' trainwreck. I smell trouble, and it reminds of me of beef jerkey and chewing tobacco. One, she's suuuuuch a Kelly Cutrone wannabe. "Why'd you leave LA"..."Cuz I'm the only one in all black." Yeah...okay sweetheart. We see right through you! Two, how old are they trying to pass this chick as? I suspect menopause. But apparently Roxy and Whit went to high school together. I wasn't aware that 32 yr olds can enroll in high school. Either way, she's bringin' the drama and I love how she uproots Whit's perfect little rhinestone-belted world.

I'm gonna give The City a solid A, while The Hills slightly disappoints with a C+.

What'd you think?

B.

Ain't So Sweet.

It's official. Keisha Buchanan is no longer a Sugababe. GASP. While that may mean absolutely nothing to you, it means something to me, so harumph. Sugababes are a hugely popular UK girl group comprised of three ladies. Unlike female-centric groups of past and present, the girls can actually sing. Like, all three of them....not just one. All three. They've had several #1's and their music has been considered to be some of pop's best (Freak Like Me, Push the Button, About You Now.....just to name a few). Sounds perfect right? Then WTF, Keisha. But then again, the 'Babes are no stranger to regrouping. This will be their fourth, count'em fourth, line-up. First: Siobhan, Mutya, Keisha. Then: Mutya, Keisha, Heidi. THEN: Keisha, Heidi, Amelle. NOW: Heidi, Amelle, Jade. Somehow, their label has kept this Suga-Menage-a-trois poppin'.

The secret? Keeping fans interested in the Sugababes as a whole, as opposed to each individual member holding any weight. Therefore, even when a girl leaves, the group isn't disbanded, it's just.....refreshing. It's an intriguing concept considering how loyal (read: crazy) fans can be. The group's dynamic is altered, especially since the strongest singers have been the girls that have left. The sound changes. The vocals are different. But we're made to believe this is the same Sugababes. Would the Pussycat Dolls be the same if Nicole left? How about if Chris Martin threw the deuces to Coldplay? But, where other groups have faltered (Van Halen, Journey) the Sugababes continue to excel. And the 5 guys that read this blog are cursing Ben Douglas' name for putting Van Halen and Sugababes in the same sentence. Get over it, duuuuude.

So, Keisha. I wish you well. I mean, yeah, I think you're a douchebag for leaving my precious 'Babes. But hey, I'll still keep you on my Christmas card list. I'm looking forward to your mediocre first single and your guest appearances on celebrity editions of unavailing reality competition shows. Buena suerte!

- B.

In Case You Missed It.

Lady Gaga's epic performance of "Paparazzi" during the 2009 VMAs last night. This one will go down as one of the best VMA performances ever. For sure. Brilliant!

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

What's so Funny?

Just Amazing.

Why I Never Go Out.

You wanna know why I never go out? Because I'm a man servant to my freaking DVR. With premieres flowing out this whole week, I'm drowning in a frothy ocean of entertainment. Last night was Melrose Place. Tonight is a 1-2-3 punch of Glee, America's Next Top Model, and So You Think You Can Dance. Tomorrow I'm giving The Vampire Diaries a chance, if only for the fact that Kevin Williamson (writer of Dawson's Creek and Scream) is involved. WHEW. Not to mention all the other crap I feel obligated to glue my eyes to. It's not enough that I work 40 hrs a week AND I'm in a musical with rehearsals and performances. Hot damn. So, you know what happens? I end up deleting more shows than I actually watch (forgive me, Drop Dead Diva).

Give me a break, DVR! But then I think, "Where would we be without you?" Well, I'll tell you. OUT. We'd be out. Having a good time, living life, enriched in the world, blah blah. Look, I don't have time to go out. PLUS, all my beer money is spent on my out-of-this-world Time Warner bill. If you wanna spend time with me, come over for Top Model.

Love Them.

The Saturdays just released their first single "Forever is Over" from their sophomore album Colonial Masses. It's awesome. I just. That's. I mean. I can't find words. Watch. Video. Now. Your ears will thank us.

Don't Hold Back.

Listen to this song. Think of what you can do as you don't hold back. The potential is there as long as you believe in yourself. I know it's challenging. I know there are obstacles. There's a world out there that's aching to be pursued. If nothing else, you are wonderful.

Justin Timberlake-Douglas.

WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!?! Ugh. It's so nice to see my future husband at work. Swooooooooooon.

Cutest Cuteness of Cuteland.

For You, Straight Male SugarJerk Reader.

I present you.......booby-grabbing.

You're welcome.