GET OUT TANK.

DOGS NEED TO KNOW THEIR PLACE AMONGST US HUMANS. We think Tank learned his lesson...

Left to our Own Devices.

This is what happens when Mel and I get together in an empty house on a Thursday night. Cue laughter.

Cheeseburgers.

Ben's Favorite Music Videos of 2009.

2009 went by crazy fast. Like super duper, holy crap, OMFG fast. And I'll tell you one thing about myself....I love lists. Reading them, making them, just love 'em. So here's my favorite music videos of this year in no particular order (cuz that'd be way too hard.)

3 by Britney Spears: What's a year-end list by Ben Douglas without The Legendary Miss Britney Spears, y'all?!! Her love letter to menage-a-trois was already a hot song and then she went and made a video that brought back the Brit we know and love. A stark, simple video that starts out slow and ends up in a frenzied, she's-touching-who?! wonderment of a video. Makes me wish I could rock a deep V-neck white leotard....but lucky for y'all, I can't.

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga: This was truly the year of Gaga and her videos get better and better. Look. I'ma put it out there. Bitch is twisted. But that's what makes her amazing! She manages to make what's disgusting...beautiful. The choreography is sick and the beauty shots show a softer, prettier Gaga than we're used to. Easily one of my favorite music videos of all time.......sorry Beyonce.

Hush Hush; Hush Hush by The Pussycat Dolls: I mean....I'm a huge PCD fan. HUGE. And seriously, this is my favorite video of theirs. It's just so....Pussycat Dolls. It's camp, flashy, hot, and everything this gay boy loves all wrapped up in a tanned, toned package. I dare you to not smile or shake that ass when watching this video.

Happy by Leona Lewis: This video is just stunning. I love the setting, and Leona Lewis is gorgeous! It's not often that a video hits me on an emotional level like this one does. By the end of the video, my heart just aches for her. And talk about a video that ACTUALLY matches the song it's supposed to visually represent! I praise you Leona!

My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson: Oh thank God Kelly is smiling again! The dark ages (My December) have ended and Kelly is back to her 'Since U Been Gone' ways, and I truly can't thank her enough. Kelly is charming and playful in this clip that accompanied arguably one of the biggest singles of the year. Keep it positive, Kels....you don't wear depression well.

For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert: Holy homosexual, Batman! This video is what the AMAs performance should have been. It's dark, hard, and oh-so-sexy! Adam brings the heat with a chorus of writhing dancers eager for just a touch of the American Idol star. Adam oozes hotness and confidence and power and sexuality and I need a cold shower.

Don't Do It 2010.

Recap that MESS.

Spotlight: Agnes Carlsson.

Obsession ALERT! Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the winner of Swedish Idol in 2005, Agnes Carlsson. You can think of her as Leona Lewis on crack. She's just released her debut US single "Release Me," and it's swooping melody should hook you right away. But don't think of this chick as another throwaway "dance diva"....girl's got some serious vocals. Here are a couple of her videos to start the introduction. Looks like Sweden is further proving it has pop music in a major headlock.

Dang. Anything Else?!

This sketch will go down in history. Don't get loud wit me sur. Do not. get loud. wit me.

Video Fail.

Out with the Old, In with the A(meh)zing.

The time is now, people. The smut has returned. Welcome back, The Hills and The City.

The Hills underwent a massive overhaul this season with the exit of anchor Lauren Conrad, and entrance of bitch premier Kristin Cavallari. Look, lemme just say, I'm a huuuuge LC fan, but on Laguna Beach, I was totally Team Kristin. What can I say? I love a girl who speaks her mind and gets what she wants.

Kristin is back to her old ways of stirring the pot and sharpening the claws. All good fun. Then there's Blank-face Audrina. Really, girl? You're all up in arms about JUSTIN BOBBY?! The guy's a doucherocket. Lucky for us, I hear that Audrina is leaving the show super soon. Bad news, she may be getting her own spin-off. Uhwhat. First episode: "How to Master an Emotionless Stare." Yikes. Anyway, it's weird not having Lauren on the show, but I think Kristin is interesting...as long as she doesn't get wrapped up in Justin. Vom. And speaking of vom, someone please tell Stephanie Pratt to get a day job.

Now, to The City. I actually really liked the first episode and the new additions. Plus, I'm glad that cottonmouth of a boyfriend Whitney had is out of the picture. I'm loving the drama between Olivia and her colleague at Elle Magazine, Erin. Juicy! Now. Let's talk about Whit's new roommate Roxy. Whoaaaaa. What a freakin' trainwreck. I smell trouble, and it reminds of me of beef jerkey and chewing tobacco. One, she's suuuuuch a Kelly Cutrone wannabe. "Why'd you leave LA"..."Cuz I'm the only one in all black." Yeah...okay sweetheart. We see right through you! Two, how old are they trying to pass this chick as? I suspect menopause. But apparently Roxy and Whit went to high school together. I wasn't aware that 32 yr olds can enroll in high school. Either way, she's bringin' the drama and I love how she uproots Whit's perfect little rhinestone-belted world.

I'm gonna give The City a solid A, while The Hills slightly disappoints with a C+.

What'd you think?

B.

Ain't So Sweet.

It's official. Keisha Buchanan is no longer a Sugababe. GASP. While that may mean absolutely nothing to you, it means something to me, so harumph. Sugababes are a hugely popular UK girl group comprised of three ladies. Unlike female-centric groups of past and present, the girls can actually sing. Like, all three of them....not just one. All three. They've had several #1's and their music has been considered to be some of pop's best (Freak Like Me, Push the Button, About You Now.....just to name a few). Sounds perfect right? Then WTF, Keisha. But then again, the 'Babes are no stranger to regrouping. This will be their fourth, count'em fourth, line-up. First: Siobhan, Mutya, Keisha. Then: Mutya, Keisha, Heidi. THEN: Keisha, Heidi, Amelle. NOW: Heidi, Amelle, Jade. Somehow, their label has kept this Suga-Menage-a-trois poppin'.

The secret? Keeping fans interested in the Sugababes as a whole, as opposed to each individual member holding any weight. Therefore, even when a girl leaves, the group isn't disbanded, it's just.....refreshing. It's an intriguing concept considering how loyal (read: crazy) fans can be. The group's dynamic is altered, especially since the strongest singers have been the girls that have left. The sound changes. The vocals are different. But we're made to believe this is the same Sugababes. Would the Pussycat Dolls be the same if Nicole left? How about if Chris Martin threw the deuces to Coldplay? But, where other groups have faltered (Van Halen, Journey) the Sugababes continue to excel. And the 5 guys that read this blog are cursing Ben Douglas' name for putting Van Halen and Sugababes in the same sentence. Get over it, duuuuude.

So, Keisha. I wish you well. I mean, yeah, I think you're a douchebag for leaving my precious 'Babes. But hey, I'll still keep you on my Christmas card list. I'm looking forward to your mediocre first single and your guest appearances on celebrity editions of unavailing reality competition shows. Buena suerte!

- B.

In Case You Missed It.

Lady Gaga's epic performance of "Paparazzi" during the 2009 VMAs last night. This one will go down as one of the best VMA performances ever. For sure. Brilliant!

Lady Gaga - New Music - More Music Videos

What's so Funny?

Just Amazing.

Why I Never Go Out.

You wanna know why I never go out? Because I'm a man servant to my freaking DVR. With premieres flowing out this whole week, I'm drowning in a frothy ocean of entertainment. Last night was Melrose Place. Tonight is a 1-2-3 punch of Glee, America's Next Top Model, and So You Think You Can Dance. Tomorrow I'm giving The Vampire Diaries a chance, if only for the fact that Kevin Williamson (writer of Dawson's Creek and Scream) is involved. WHEW. Not to mention all the other crap I feel obligated to glue my eyes to. It's not enough that I work 40 hrs a week AND I'm in a musical with rehearsals and performances. Hot damn. So, you know what happens? I end up deleting more shows than I actually watch (forgive me, Drop Dead Diva).

Give me a break, DVR! But then I think, "Where would we be without you?" Well, I'll tell you. OUT. We'd be out. Having a good time, living life, enriched in the world, blah blah. Look, I don't have time to go out. PLUS, all my beer money is spent on my out-of-this-world Time Warner bill. If you wanna spend time with me, come over for Top Model.

Love Them.

The Saturdays just released their first single "Forever is Over" from their sophomore album Colonial Masses. It's awesome. I just. That's. I mean. I can't find words. Watch. Video. Now. Your ears will thank us.

Don't Hold Back.

Listen to this song. Think of what you can do as you don't hold back. The potential is there as long as you believe in yourself. I know it's challenging. I know there are obstacles. There's a world out there that's aching to be pursued. If nothing else, you are wonderful.

Justin Timberlake-Douglas.

WHY DIDN'T WE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!?! Ugh. It's so nice to see my future husband at work. Swooooooooooon.

Cutest Cuteness of Cuteland.

For You, Straight Male SugarJerk Reader.

I present you.......booby-grabbing.

You're welcome.

Oh, Look. The VMAs are on.

With the MTV Video Music Awards quickly approaching us, I present you with my favorite performances of the last couple years...

Britney Spears : (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction/Oops!...I Did It Again Medley : 2000

I mean. Duh. Chick tore it up. This performance was at the peak of Brit's popularity and success, and this solidified her stance as a pop phenom. No one will ever top this groundbreaking performance. The 2000 VMAs was totally Britney's bitch. I, of course, mean the prison-sense of the word.

Kelly Clarkson : Since U Been Gone : 2005

Oh, hey Post-American Idol Kelly Clarkson. How are you? Wow, you're awfully angsty. What happened to being "Thankful" and realizing what "The Trouble with Love Is." Kelly. Calm down. You're screaming in my ear. But it sounds so good! What's this jump thing we've got going on? I dunno, but it's irresistible. The Kelly we know and love was introduced on that stage. Ryan Seacrest, what?

Beyonce : Ring the Alarm : 2006

First of all, this is like my favorite B track. Second of all, I truly believe she's one the best performers out there today. Her vocals are strong. Her dancing is sick. And she straight up puts her all into this performance. Passionate, exciting, and powerful. And you know I'm a sucker for long, flowing trenchcoats and killer backbends.

Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Madonna & Missy Elliot : Like A Virgin/Hollywood Medley : 2003

The Ultimate VMA Performance. There's not much more to say. Except that I wish I was on stage with them. In the middle. Pushing Christina off the stage. Doing an ad lib solo...........Yes, I've thought of this. Several times. Planned out in my mind............I'm gonna go now.

Songs You Should Just Know.

These little gems are what I'm workin' that booty to, ya heard.

01. Get Sexy by The Sugababes (Just pure hotness. Done.)

02. Forever is Over by The Saturdays (Totally melodic and catchy.)

03. Aha! by Imogen Heap (Twists and turns like a Tim Burton film. Listen, you'll get it.)

04. Silly Boy by Eva Simons (Feisty and punchy. Just like I want my women. Well....)

05. Celebration by Madonna (I mean....come on. It's Madonna.)

06. Hot Mess by Ashley Tisdale (The Tiz gets....dare I say.....adult?!)

07. Living in the Sky with Diamonds by Cobra Starship (Breezy, windows down track)

08. Superbad by Adrienne Bailon (I often do my own choreo to this in my apartment. Do the same.)

09. Bad Boys by Alexandra Burke feat. Flo Rida (Just a fun song. She'll be big.)

10. Sexy Bitch by David Guetta feat. Akon (TOTALLY my jam. Loving this one.)

Now, you have to understand....The Sugababes, The Saturdays, and Alexandra Burke are UK artists and you won't find their stuff in the US -- Although, The Sugababes just signed a record deal with Jay-Z's label Roc Nation, so you might be hearing of them stateside soon.

Now, go educate yourself.

Shut Up and Watch Me WALK.

Look. and Listen. If you don't like this song, Get Sexy by the Sugababes, then you either (1) are lame, (2) a straight guy, or (3) you obviously just hate me and everything I stand for. Either way, you need to change the 'tude, cuz this song is the shiiiiiiiit. Thanks for your undivided attention. Now DANCE.

Vagina Wings.

Red Bull Energy Douche with Mandy Moore from Mandy Moore

Gratuitous Britney Pimping.

You're welcome.

Image is Everything.

Your mom was wrong. It does matter how you look......at least in the entertainment industry. I was chatting with my friend Heather about Katharine McPhee's drastic image transformation to coincide with her "edgy" (Kat's words, eh) new album Unbroken. Heather said, "She's unrecognizable. People won't know who she is." And I said, "Hmmmmm."

I got to thinking of how certain image changing blunders have affected female celebrities' careers. It's typically going from long and flowy, to short and static. America has always had a societical repulsion to cropped hair on women, claiming it's not as sexy. Whereas, in the fashion world, short hair is seen as chic and couture.

Does the haircut determine the popularity and success?

The Art of Diva.

Welcome to September, which is apparently Diva Smackdown Month. We got Whitney. We got Madonna. We got Mariah. Who will reign supreme? I measure up the claw-scratchin', finger-waggin' competition...

Whitney Houston - A pop culture punching bag and a one-woman tagline machine (see: "Bob-bay!" and "Awh, Hell to the NO"). New album I Look to You being hailed as the "comeback." But does anyone care? I mean, maybe if it were 1998.

Madonna - AKA The Guns. Homegirl be lookin' rough lately. She looks malnourished. Her album Celebration is a greatest hits album, which is usually hit or miss with consumers. Although, her single is my jam right now. But have you heard it? Probably not....unless you're a queeny queen rockin' out at the club in a v-neck and skinny jeans.

Mariah Carey - Mimi's on her way to beat the Beatles' record 20 #1 singles. Will this be the album to do it? Current single Obsessed has peaked at #11. Against her: pushed her album Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel back TWICE. Whoa, M. Looks like someone's shaking in her diamond-encrusted panties!

Out of all these fine ladies, I'm gonna give the edge to Mariah. She's the most relevant today. Whitney's over and Madonna just can't latch on to previous success. Although we must remember these women have one thing in common. Madonna adopts children in need, Whitney adopted a crackpipe, and Mariah adopted Nick Cannon.

-B.

Ellipse.

Listen to Imogen Heaps a-mayyyy-zing new album Ellipse NOW. Out August 25.

Ringleader.

New official video of Britney performing "Circus" recently on her Circus Tour! She looks way different from when we saw her. The outfit is mega-changed and she gots brown hair now. I personally love her as a brunette, but she'll always be a blonde for me. Now. Who's buying me a VIP Premium seat for when she comes back to North America? AwThanks. You're too kind.

Hazel Eyes.

The immaculate Kelly Clarkson doing an acoustic version of "Behind These Hazel Eyes" at the Ohio State Fair, July 29. I practially wept in her greatness.

Encore.

Friends. Kelly Clarkson. Clap along.

Cinemacritic.

A Gift for Zac.

Love Drunk.

Boys Like Girls - "Love Drunk"

The new Boys Like Girls video for "Love Drunk" just premiered last week and Ashley Tisdale's in it! I love how I've practically made this an A-Tiz worship blog. Oh well :) WATCH IT OR ELSE.

Already Gone.

Kelly -- Ms. Clarkson if you're nasty -- just released her video for the amazing "Already Gone," her 3rd single from All I Ever Wanted. The song is gorgeous and the video is appropriately beautiful. She looks fantastic, and this so makes us even more excited to see her on Wednesday at none other than the Ohio State Fair! I'm glad she's setting her standards high.

Booze and Whimsy.

A Very Important Date.

I just messed myself.

Beauty in the Breakdown.

Nothing more gorgeous. Travis Wall is a genius.

What the Polo?!

Britney Spears- Radar (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO) from Britney Spears on Vimeo.

For real, Britney? Oh gawd. This video. Horses? Slow-motion? This looks like a jacked up cologne commercial. And SugarJerk seriously loves Britney. But this video looks like what the horses left behind. This is such a conceptual song, that we're thinkin' like an airport scenario or sexy Spy-Brit huntin' her man. Where's the dancing? Ugh. We'll give you this one Brit. But if we see one more horse in a video of yours we'll seriously reconsider naming our child after you.

K, love you, bye.

You Just Been WALDORF'd.

Holy Trust Fund... Loving some Leighton Meester lately, specifically in the video for her collabo with Cobra Starship, Good Girls Go Bad! Who knew Ms. Waldorf got down like this. Oh and... Serena, who? xoxo.

Get It Together!

The Tiz.

When we are united, the angels will sing the most heavenly chorus.

It got weird, didn't it. Yeah. Alright...     okay.  

Shit, I did it again.

-B

He Hit It.

Sisters.

Alright Okay.

We will be best friends.  Oh yes.

-B.

Viva Britney.

Break the Ice Video Interlude from the Circus Tour. Someone take me back.

Smelrose.

Glambert. Gay? How DARE you.

Osaka Sun.

Saw Coldplay last week in Noblesville, IN and it was simply amazing.  Phenomenal musicianship, energetic showmanship, and awesome awesomeship.  Here's my fave song Lovers In Japan complete with floating paper butterflies.

Paparazzi Protection.

Oh-Em-Freaking-Gee.  I just laughed out loud to myself on account of this video.  Look for the beautiful Katharine McPhee infomercial-izing "Paparazzi Protection."  HIGH-larious.

Katharine McPhee in Paparazzi Protection from Katharine McPhee

Shhh.

Uhhhh.  Get ready for this shiz.  Pussycat Dolls' latest video for "Hush Hush; Hush Hush."  SO freaking hot, and fun, and just so...DOLLS.  I can't stop watching it.  AHhhhhHHHhhh...............uh.... I mean........... I love football.

- B

Q&A.

Congratulations on Melissa for making her SugarJerk debut.  You've finally made it big.

Reasons Why I Shouldn't Be Single.

Hands OFF! That's MAYO Margarita!

Mia.

I'm just completely obsessed with this girl Mia from "Taking the Stage."  She's uber-talented and completely chill.  I wanna hang out with her.  But she's like 17.  And that could be seen as weird.

Circus Freaks.

A Britney adventure in a minute and 3 seconds.  Yes.  I realize I'm not completely right in the head.

- B

Dear Diario...

Gavin DeGrawesome.

I just couldn't resist with the titling of this blog.  Whataloser.  Anyways, went to the Gavin DeGraw show last night in Columbus and I'm not kidding with you, it was mindblowing.  I've never been to a concert where every song was delivered with such emotional significance.  He's perfect, truly.  Funny thing is, when we were walking to the venue, there was this guy walking towards us and I'm like "Danielle, that guy looks just like Gavin DeGraw with short hair."  She said "Kind of, but that's not him."  Sure enough, it was.  We got to meet him after the show and I asked him about it and told him "I said he looked like Gavin DeGraw but with shorter hair when really it was Gavin DeGraw with a haircut."  He liked that  :)  swwooooon.

Mule-y Cyrus.

OKAY.  Now I know you saw American Idol results tonight.  Oh girl, yes I DO.  Can we take a moment and talk about Miley Cyrus?  What is UP with this girl?  It's like she borrowed Hilary Duff's retainer and then decided to warble, ahem...i mean sing.  And it's like, you know, Miley...you're a cute girl.  Wearin' a dress, lookin' all proper.  THEN, you start headbanging?  Headbanging.  To the inspirational ballad from your Walt Disney film Hannah Montana: The Movie.  Slow your roll, Milester.  Even Ms. Clarkson doesn't headbang and she has a song with the word "Suck" in it.  

Point of the story is...... Tone.  It.  Down.

For Real?

If you vote for this guy, I will seriously punch you right in the face and not feel bad about it.  

Kisses.

Simple.

Hey.  Hi.  Hello.  Sugar Jerk wants you to take a minute and tell someone close to you that you love them.  Whether it's your best friend, your mom, your brother, your grandma, your bi-lingual cat, it doesn't matter.  Life is tough.  Life is crazy.  But life should be celebrated.  Have fun, don't care what people say about you, dance and sing in the mirror, whatevs.  We all have a purpose.  Sugar Jerk loves you.

[remember the ones we've lost, and look forward to what we can gain.]

Icy.

Girls Aloud performed their new single "Untouchable" on a little show called -- get this -- Dancing on Ice.  WTF.  The girls look like goddesses, but for real?  What's with the wannabe-MILF in the tight black pants and horrendous facials?  Better luck next time, Girls.

Idle Idol.

Alright.  Let's preface this with the fact that Sugar Jerk be lovin' some Kelly Clarkson.  Like, adore.  We own 2 copies of "From Justin to Kelly."  Enough said.  Howwwever, what was homegirl doing on Idol the other night?  She looked like she wrapped an area rug around her and then bedazzled it.  Not cute.  Good thing she's an amazing performer because she was lookin' b-b-busted.  Lucky for us it looks like she hired a stylist between Wednesday and Saturday, cuz she was smokin' hot on SNL.  Don't scare us like that, KC!

Shoulda Put a Ring on it.

Thanks, to All 15 of Our Readers.

PowderPuff.

Dear Lil Rounds,

Nice mom jeans.  In white?  Seriously?  Did you steal that boa-like apparatus on your shoulder from The Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious?  I'm pretty sure that wearing corsets in public as clothing ended in 2001.  Don't act like you beat Sarah Jessica Parker to the punch.  Get it together. 

Love,

Melanie.

The Cat Whisperer.

Melanie attempts to inform Callie that she's got some gray chest hair.

Handling the Handler.

Totally went to the Chelsea Handler show last Friday in Cinci.  Holy hot pocket, it was incredible.  It literally felt like you were listening to a really funny friend tell ridiculous stories for an hour and a half.  Flawless.  Mel got some pictures, so I'm hoping we can post some shiz.  We met her afterwards and by that I mean I shoved my book towards her face and she asked me what my name was.  I, of course, went blank and spewed out such original thoughts as "You were awesome" and "I freaking love you."  Classic.  She wrote "Ben!  Suck it!  Chelsea."  I love that she gathered that about me by just saying my name.  Well, she wrote "Chris!  Go gays!  Chelsea" in his, so she must be an excellent judge of character.  Or we're just exceedingly obvious.  Either way, it was perfect.  (One step closer to getting my own show on E!......)

- B.

Straight Up.

I observed something about four Absolut&Tonics in last night at our fave homo spot, Club Masque.  When did it become hetero honeymoon central?  I stopped in the middle of the dancefloor and I just looked around and I was like, good God.......was Hammerjax full?  It was like one couple over here practically making a baby, then another couple over there inspecting each other's throats.  What has the world come to?!  I mean, I'm all about equal opportunity, free love, the whole bit.  And I understand it truly is the best club in Dayton, no doubt....But for real?  Plus some douchebag kept bumping into me and he almost put a chair on my foot.  Leave the drag queens to the gays and their hags, ya heard.

- B.

Mr. Tankersley.

Dear Gournal....

How Do You Sleep?

Swooooon.  I don't know what it is about this guy, but damn.  DAMN.  You should buy this song off iTunes, cuz it's duchess.  Yeah, I said duchess.  It means hot.  Use it.  (stop trying to make fetch happen...)

Jesse McCartney - How Do You Sleep - Featuring Ludacris

Flash Forward.

Mel and Ben at the The Circus: Starring Britney Spears on April 30...

Mel: Oh Em Gee.  I think I see Brit!  Yep, it's her!  OHEMGEEEEEE!!!!

Ben: She is lookin FIT.  That's totally not her real hair though.  We'll never get past it...

Mel: But, she's really flexible.

Ben: UH-Yeah, how do you think she had two kids?  Hallelujerrr.

Mel: Wait a hot tranny minute........is she lipsyncing????!!!?!

Ben: Melanie.  What are you talking about.  That's ridiculous.  It's just that the playback on the screen is off.  

Mel: Oh.  Right............so then why does she sound like LL Cool J?

Ben: Yeah, I'm not sure how to explain that one.

Mel: I don't care!!  I LOVE YOU BRIT-BRIT!

We can totally see into the future.  Don't hate.

Graduating.

High School Musical superstar/Ben's future best friend Ashley Tisdale has revamped her image and girl wants you to know it!  Her hair is auburn, and dare I say -- sexy.  That's right...sexy.  Plus, she's got a new album coming out later this spring called Guilty Pleasure.  Sounds naughty....but you know...in a cute way.  I am unapologetically infatuated with her and sometimes I think we're the same person.........but I have a significantly smaller bank account.  Womp womp.  The point is: GET IT GIRL, get it get it girl.

- B.

  

Pablo's de Don.

I think Melanie ate all the food...

Dear Diario...

Callie got ahold of the camera.  Here is her story...

Pick Away.

American Idol Semi-Finals have started and we have 3 contestants in the Finals...Alexis, Michael, and *DANNY* (not that I'm biased or anything).  SO, this week we have a new batch of a dozen hopefuls vying for the spot to stand next to Seacrest a little longer.  Who wouldn't want that??  My picks this week are Adam Lambert (hello, gorgeous....and was a part of the national tour of WICKED!), Jasmine Murray (loved her from day one, I think she's totally cute), and Matt Giraud (kinda ug to look at and he's way too into himself, but the man's got a great voice, no doubt).  I think the wild card show is gonna be real interesting.  Anoop?  Ricky?  TATIANA?  What a whirlwind.

Flippy Floppies.

You know I had to.  HAD to.  

Brit Happens.

Heard of Girls Aloud?  Uhhhhh, you should.  They're an amazing girl group created from one of those Popstars tv reality competition shows...with the exception that they actually produce hit after hit and they show no sign of slowing.  "The Promise" was released last year and it was a giganto single.  Huge.  They performed at the Brit Awards recently and the performance was totally duchess.  Give us fluffy pink feather fans and glitter anyday, ya heard.

I Don't Like You.

What's today?  WHAT'S TODAY?!  It's Un-Valentine's Day, that's what it is.  While the rest of the world 'celebrates' that Hallmark holiday tomorrow, we will be partying up Un-Val style.  So I ask you to rip up an old picture, drunk dial an ex, and/or make a bad decision or two.  Yes, it's about hating those failed relationships of your tragic past...but more importantly, it's about celebrating your individuality and independence.  Celebrate YOU today.

Inspiration.

Jennifer Hudson's back on the scene, y'all.  Looking as gorgeous as ever and singing her heart out, the girl shined at the 2009 Grammys.  Her latest music video for "If This Isn't Love" just came out.  The song is amazing and so is she!  So, if you're having a bad day, you should do one of two things.... 1) Feel like a douchebag because compared to her you don't know what a "bad day" can truly be or 2) watch this video.  Everyone should strive to be more like Ms. Jennifer Hudson.

Weighing In.

So we know like evvvverrrrryonnnne is talking about Jessica Simpson being fat.  Fat?  She's not fat.  She's normal.  Well besides those mom pants.  But here's a theory we haven't heard yet...........Has anyone seen Ashlee lately?  Yeah.  She might be in there.  Chew on that one.

Acoustically Yours.

His name is Gabe Bondoc.  All you need to know is that I'm in love with him.  And you should be too.  Here's his take on "Forever" by Chris Brown...

Be a Man, and Watch a Chick Flick.

Just saw "He's Just Not That Into You" and I stumbled upon this little gem.  It's Kevin Connolly, Justin Long, and the ever-gorgeous Bradley Cooper poking fun at the genre by presenting "The 10 Chick Flick Cliches You Won't Find in the Movie."  HIL-arious.

Dakota Fanning, Woman of the World.

Dakota Fanning was just quoted with this statement...

"I remember when I was very little my idol was Britney Spears. I had just come to California and that's just who I wanted to meet. So I was in a store and she walked in and my jaw just fell to the floor. I started like sweating. I could not believe that I was meeting her. She told me that I was very cute. And I lost it -- I was so excited."

Okay, wait. When you were very little Dakota? So, like...when you were a fetus?  I hear the acoustics are amazing in the womb.  That's why I listen to "Womanizer" underwater whenever possible.

They grow up so fast.

Dear Diario...

Callie, our resident bilingual kitty, often writes in her "el diario" displaying all of her most precious thoughts.  Today we caught her in the act, and I think you'll be shocked at what she's thinking about...

Dear Diario,

Señor Ben had that girl Melanie come over today.  Her hair es muy fabulosa.  I hate her.

Muchos Besos,

Callie

Poppin' them Bottles.

The Pussycat Dolls' latest video for the hot hot hot "Bottle Pop."  At one point, it looks like Nicole slaps Melody for trying to sing lead when she's not supposed to.  Oh wait.  That was behind the scenes......WATCH IT.

Bottle Pop (Music Video)
by pussycatdollsdotnet

Crackstreet Boy.

Backstreet Boy Nick Carter "exclusively" told People magazine recently that his battle with drug and alcohol abuse nearly cost him his life.  That's funny...I didn't realize he was still alive.  While I'm glad he's recovered, homeboy should pull a Chris Kirkpatrick and disappear.  I mean...would you miss him?  You haven't since 2001.

|photo courtesy of www.people.com|

J-Mac Attack.

Okay.  We LOVE Jesse McCartney.  In fact, we just bought tickets to see him on Feb. 23 and we're really excited.  We're totally 13 year old girls......but we're not.  (7 sex offenders just found this site because of that statement) HOWEVER, what's with his cheeks lately?  There's like, extra skin pouches by his lips and it looks weird.  He's still cute, but my god what is he hiding in there?  Chess pieces?  Silly Putty?  Mary-Kate?  Oh Jesse....stop teasing us!

|photo courtesy of www.oh-jesse.org|

MotherTrucker.

You ain't got big balls like-a-truck!  You ain't got big balls like-a-truck!  What's sad is that I've seen these more than once....

Awareness: Kitty Ciggy.

I'm appalled at this discovery.  It's on the rise, folks...and it's an issue.  Next time you find your cat lightin' it up, stop - assess the situation, and rip that cancer stick out of their mouth.  Inform them it's not worth it.  They have such tiny lungs.  Think about it.

Bluffin' Muffin.

Self-proclaimed "retrosexual" Lady GaGa is tearin' up the scene with "Just Dance" right now, but does anyone realize she has another single out called "Poker Face"...??  It's like the radio playing "Womanizer" every 5 minutes even though "Circus" was released as a single after the album dropped.  Get with it, people!  While I love "Just Dance," let's move on.  Anyways, Lady GaGa did a special set of stripped down hits, including a piano-laced "Poker Face."  Ch-check it.  (Project Runway called, they want their hairstyle back...)

The First Dose.

Sugar Jerk (noun) : an enviable person with a sarcastic twist of sweetness.

Well, it only took 3 hours, 2 bowls of food, and an episode of "The Real World" to get this blog par-tay started.  So, here we are.  What can you expect?  Nothing, really......just your life taking a turn for the better.  We have opinions, we think we're funny, and I think we can all agree that Heidi Montag's breadth of work is mindblowing.  

We might use big words, we may get deep, but at the end of the day, everyone's a sugar jerk.